Grandma Linda

Today is the eighth anniversary of my mother-in-law's passing. Sadly, I never had the opportunity to meet her. What I do know is that she was loved by many.. and adored by her son.

I lost my father too, but at a very young age. My husband and his mother, on the other hand, were very close. And she passed so unexpectedly. I know that the loss is a constant ache in his heart. I watch a piece of him mourn at every holiday, birthday, and even more so on days like today.

As you might imagine, when we finally became pregnant with Jasper and Bodhi, it brought up a lot of thoughts about what his mother, Linda, would think and say. Would she have thrown me a baby shower? Would she have liked their names? Would she have insisted on moving in to help us? ;)

Even without knowing her, I felt so connected to her when I was pregnant. I was carrying her grandchildren, after all.

And then, when we so tragically lost our babies, it connected us even more to her. She too had lost two infants in her lifetime. So again, we wondered, what would she say to us if she could?

I'll never really know what she would have thought of me, or me carrying her grandbabies. But what I do know is that she would have been so proud of her son. How he took care of me and was by my side, every step of the way. She also would have loved seeing him as a father, just as I did.

So...

Linda,

Thank you for raising Bradley to be the husband I love so dearly, and the father to our children that I love even more. I regret that I never got to meet you, but on January 27th, 2014.. you became a grandma to our babies. Our baby girl, Jasper Kaelyn, even has your middle name as part of hers.  

I hope that would have made you happy.

And I hope we get a chance to try again, so I can see my husband raise your grandchildren. To watch him pass down the life lessons and compassion you nurtured in him. You would be so proud of the man he has become.  

You would be proud of the way he lives his life. You would be proud of the way he loves me...

He misses you. And perhaps more surprisingly, I miss you.

We've decided to use this day, in memory of Linda, as the start of our fundraiser for our "Second Chance." Our hope is to have enough raised by Mother's Day to start another cycle of treatment. If you'd like to donate or just share our story, please visit our GoFundMe page. (http://www.gofundme.com/shilorfund)

The Fundraiser

So.. We've finally decided to ask for help.

Sort of.

I decided to set up an online fundraiser. Our 'goal' is $15,000.. which is enough for around 5 months of injections, or one round of invitro. Yes, quite unlikely that we'd raise that much.. unless I have relatives with money I don't know about. ;)

But even if we could get a few thousand, that would pay for a month of injections. In other words, anything helps.

And I started thinking about how I have over 500 Facebook friends. My husband has several hundred. If every person donated $5, we'd be well on our way.

The reasoning for doing it now, is pretty simple. We're asking that family, friends, and coworkers consider making a donation instead of sending us a greeting card, buying me a drink on my birthday, or giving us a Starbucks giftcard for Christmas. We just don't need any of that stuff.. and the possible gift of conceiving is far more important.

We also recognize that this is a hard time for a lot of folks. We're in no way demanding or expecting people to donate. We just wanted people to know that this is our priority. If you want to give us anything, for any reason, this is our preference right now.

If you want to donate, just follow this link: Our Little Wish

You can donate any amount. Even just $1. And surely, there are 15,000 people in this world that would give us a dollar if they knew our story.

So, whether you donate or not.. PLEASE share this with others. Post a link on Facebook, Twitter, your blog, etc. The more people we reach, the better.

Thank you!

Welcome

Hello, and welcome. Allow me to explain the purpose of this blog a little bit. Almost a year ago now, I married my best friend. Ever since, we've been actively trying to conceive. Unfortunately, I knew since childhood that things wouldn't be easy. What I didn't know, was how very hard it would be for me to get pregnant.

So far, we've done a couple cycles of progesterone and Clomid; to no avail. And for almost two years now, I've been on Metformin.. but it's literally done nothing to help. So, I've now been referred to a specialist (reproductive endocrinologist). Sound expensive? It is. Just for the consultation, it's $200. What's worse? Insurance covers NOTHING related to fertility. I find something disturbing about the fact that insurance companies will pay out for Viagra, but not Clomid.. but I digress.

That brings me to this blog. After posting about my dismay of facing the end of our path; due to lack of funding, I joked with a friend that I needed to start a fundraiser. Though I was kidding, after some thought, I figured it wasn't a terrible idea. People raise money for cancer treatments and such all the time. While infertility isn't life-threatening.. it is heartbreaking.

My heart breaks every day, when I think about having to give up on the idea of having children, and when I think of how.. as a wife, I can't help but feel like I've let my husband down. He has always remained supportive, but I know this is hurting him.

So, for now, we're accepting donations. But more importantly, we're accepting ideas of how to raise funds. Clearly, we need to do something. The treatments that come next cost thousands of dollars each time you try. Just as an example, IVF (in-vitro) costs 10-15 thousand dollars; and it takes 2 to 3 times for most women to have a successful pregnancy. You can do the math. It's also costly to go through the adoption process, should we decide to choose that path. For folks that live "okay" from paycheck to paycheck, it's just not possible to pay that out as one lump sum.

Along the way, I'll blog about our experiences and decisions. How far will we go? Will I sacrifice my health to try to conceive? You'll read all about our trials and errors. Our moments of despair, and moments filled with hope.

Help us make Our Little Wish come true.
(and should it never happen for us, I can only hope this blog and our journey, will provide insight to others on this painful and complicated path)