Grandma Linda

Today is the eighth anniversary of my mother-in-law's passing. Sadly, I never had the opportunity to meet her. What I do know is that she was loved by many.. and adored by her son.

I lost my father too, but at a very young age. My husband and his mother, on the other hand, were very close. And she passed so unexpectedly. I know that the loss is a constant ache in his heart. I watch a piece of him mourn at every holiday, birthday, and even more so on days like today.

As you might imagine, when we finally became pregnant with Jasper and Bodhi, it brought up a lot of thoughts about what his mother, Linda, would think and say. Would she have thrown me a baby shower? Would she have liked their names? Would she have insisted on moving in to help us? ;)

Even without knowing her, I felt so connected to her when I was pregnant. I was carrying her grandchildren, after all.

And then, when we so tragically lost our babies, it connected us even more to her. She too had lost two infants in her lifetime. So again, we wondered, what would she say to us if she could?

I'll never really know what she would have thought of me, or me carrying her grandbabies. But what I do know is that she would have been so proud of her son. How he took care of me and was by my side, every step of the way. She also would have loved seeing him as a father, just as I did.

So...

Linda,

Thank you for raising Bradley to be the husband I love so dearly, and the father to our children that I love even more. I regret that I never got to meet you, but on January 27th, 2014.. you became a grandma to our babies. Our baby girl, Jasper Kaelyn, even has your middle name as part of hers.  

I hope that would have made you happy.

And I hope we get a chance to try again, so I can see my husband raise your grandchildren. To watch him pass down the life lessons and compassion you nurtured in him. You would be so proud of the man he has become.  

You would be proud of the way he lives his life. You would be proud of the way he loves me...

He misses you. And perhaps more surprisingly, I miss you.

We've decided to use this day, in memory of Linda, as the start of our fundraiser for our "Second Chance." Our hope is to have enough raised by Mother's Day to start another cycle of treatment. If you'd like to donate or just share our story, please visit our GoFundMe page. (http://www.gofundme.com/shilorfund)