As far as the pregnancy is concerned, we've had a whole lot of worry, but very little activity. At about 12 weeks, I went for a visit with my OB, on a Friday morning, because I was feeling some "heaviness" after moving items around the home. So, to be on the safe side, just wanted to get checked out.
She felt my cervix and said, "It feels like 2 cm. I think you'll need a cerclage. I think you'll be fine over the weekend, if you want to wait, or I can send you to Indy right now for a consult."
Knowing that if I waited the weekend I would completely panic myself about every little thing, I opted to go to Indy that day to meet with the high risk doctors. Before I left the office, my OB said, "Next time I see you, you'll probably have a cerclage."
At that moment, I truly was overwhelmed with emotion. And I was trying to get ahold of Brad, who was at work, to tell him we needed to leave NOW in order to make it to Indy on time -- and to tell him I was about to have surgery.
I went to pick him up in his work parking lot, and I had already moved to the passenger seat by the time he emerged from his building. By the time he reached the car, tears were streaming down my face. I just muttered, "I don't want to go through this again." He just responded, "I know," and took my hand. Off to Indy we went.
I had calmed down by the time we arrived, but I was still going over all the possible complications. A cerclage is not without risk, and can cause infection, miscarriage, etc. It was hard not to worry about doing a 'preventative' procedure that could actually cause the thing you're trying to prevent.
But they called me back to the exam room to do an ultrasound. Doctor says the results aloud, "You're about 2.8 to 2.9 cm. You can either do a cerclage now, or wait til Tuesday to see if there are any changes. I'm comfortable with doing either."
When given the option for surgery or not, when the "not" is a viable option, I'm always choosing not. So, I told him I'd like to wait and see. That was the weekend I was on strict bedrest. The specialist actually told me it wasn't necessary medically, but it would keep me from blaming myself if something went wrong. I truly appreciated that a doctor would recognize the possible guilt involved in such decisions.
We went back on Tuesday, and lo and behold, I was measuring a 3.2 cm. Strong improvement. Whether it was the strict bedrest, or it would have happened anyway, I didn't much care. But given the improvement, doctor no longer deemed a cerclage necessary, and instead recommended weekly monitoring.
I saw the same doctor for several weeks in a row, so the visits got more humorous and relaxed, occasionally joking about his long fingers or how he has the biggest hands in the office (not sure how Brad felt about that conversation.. lol). Each week, I measured around 3.1 to 3.3. So everything was holding steady...
Until..
One week I laid down, and I hear the ultrasound tech whisper to the doctor, "She's contracting. Do you want me to wait a minute?"
My heart rate probably tripled that very second. Contracting?! I was actually too scared to even ask if I was in labor, and instead watched the doctor's face for a clue as to whether this was the end. He seemed completely unphased, so I was relieved, but still anxious for an explanation.
Finally, after much squinting at the screen, he turned to me, "Well, part of your uterus is contracting.. which is completely normal.. but it makes it really hard to get a measurement. Still looks okay though."
Whew!
I went a couple more weeks with different doctors seeing me. Last week, I got, "Everything looks about the same, but there is some slight funneling."
Ugh. For those that don't know, it's exactly what it sounds like. It means the cervix is opening up from the inside out, and it looks like a funnel on the ultrasound. It's not good. But this doctor, again, didn't seem concerned. I truly didn't understand why this wasn't concerning, as funneling -- to me, indicates labor is about to start. But I tried to let it go. If the high risk folks aren't worried, I probably shouldn't be.
 |
| Bean, sleeping on their stomach, during the "funneling" ultrasound. |
His response: "Yeah... I don't think that's actually funneling. In early ultrasounds, the uterus and cervix are sometimes hard to tell apart. And the softening of your uterus can look like funneling. But given your measurements, I think everything is completely fine."
:) Why couldn't the other guy have just said that?
And this week, per usual protocol, they've started me on progesterone injections. Theoretically, it makes your body feel "super" pregnant, and will hopefully prevent any preterm contractions and can help the cervix stay longer.
We're 3 weeks away from when we lost the twins (19 weeks, 2 days), so I feel myself getting more nervous by the day. But, I'm trying desperately to stay optimistic.
