I stood in the mirror at my bathroom sink, repeatedly watching the how-to video on my Nook tablet. Did I get all the air out? Do I put it in at an angle or perpendicular? Is this two inches from belly button? Am I supposed to put it in the same side as my dominant follicle, or does it matter? And, oh yeah, there's a needle!
I kept telling myself to do it quickly, like ripping off a bandaid.. but I just could.not.do.it. My fingers went numb. I kid you not, it took at least a full 90 seconds from when the needle started going into my skin, before it was actually all the way in. Then at least another two minutes to actually push in the plunger.
By the time I was done, I was leaning against the sink, feeling like I was going to vomit. As soon as I took out the needle, I collapsed onto the bed.. drenched in a cold sweat. Like I told you, the worst experience to date.
As instructed, we "got busy" for the next three evenings, and I was instructed to take a pregnancy test on the morning of March 3rd.
In the meantime, I had all sorts of symptoms. Cravings, food aversions, extreme bloating, tender breasts, nausea, etc. Problem is, like anyone TTC will tell you, is that the meds that make you ovulate, actually give you pregnancy symptoms. So, you can never trust any of them.
One thing I hated about this cycle though, was not knowing if I even ovulated. You take the injection to 'cause' it.. but you never really know if it worked.
Anyway, like most women, I was guilty of taking a couple tests early.. both negative.
So I waited for March 3rd. By then, all the symptoms had pretty much stopped, so I was pretty sure of the results I would see. BFN (Big Fat Negative).
And just to add insult to injury, within 3 hours of taking the pregnancy test, my period started. Thank you, mother nature, for flippin' me the finger. Appreciate it.
Obviously, I'm disappointed. I took a few minutes to cry.. and then moved on. Because I know statistically, that even if everything works perfectly, it'll probably take a few attempts. Like I said though, we don't even know if I actually ovulated.
But, due to financial costs (for Femara and injection, it's around $700/month; that we just don't logistically have laying around), I'm planning on taking this month off. And since my cycle started already, I wouldn't be able to get the meds in time anyway. So, we probably won't try again until April. Though, I am NOT looking forward to doing that injection again.
It's just hard, knowing that time is ticking away. Some people will say age doesn't matter much anymore. Sure, it's easier for older women to get pregnant with all the technologies. But the expense is also higher as you climb the technology ladder, and the risks to the baby are far higher the older you get. It's definitely something that weighs on me.
