With Love

First, I have to share a little story about a very special card we received yesterday. I had gone home for lunch and fetched the mail. I immediately noticed a small manila envelope that was hand addressed from someone within our city. But I didn't recognize the sender's name..

I assumed it was someone my husband knew, sending us a card with their condolences. Still, this wasn't a normal card envelope. So, I opened it to find one sealed card, one open card, and a letter stuffed inside.

I pulled open the card that wasn't sealed and noticed it was signed to someone else. For a few seconds I was confused, "Why would someone send us a card made for someone else?"

But I kept reading...

"I was so sorry to hear of the loss of your son. Steve and I lost 2 boys of our own 2 years apart of different complications. We were so thankful that we already had Brad in our life. It does get a little easier as the years go by. The holidays and special days are the worst..."

I skipped to the signatures to confirm what I had just figured out. This was a card that my husband's, now deceased, mother sent to one of his classmates when they lost a child.

My eyes began to well up with tears. These were the words his mother would have told us if she was still here. I still wish, desperately, that I had gotten to meet her. But my husband and I were just coworkers and acquaintances when she passed. I knew, as I read her words, nothing would be more impactful for my husband. I was filled with happiness for the comfort I knew he'd find in his mother's words.

I then made my way to the letter, written by Rachel, who sent the package. She explained the whole story of how they lost one of their twins and received this card from my husband's mother. She went on to say that she was reading these blogs and found them true to her experience as well.

Of course, I texted Brad to warn him. "We just got something in the mail that will make you cry."

He quipped, "A bill?"

As soon as he got home that evening, I pulled him over to the counter where the card was. I had repackaged it all back into the larger envelope just as I received it. He too, opened the card from his mother first, but unlike me.. he recognized her handwriting immediately. I just stood there, watching him read -- his eyes filling up with tears.

He didn't say anything.. just pulled me in tight for a hug. A long, silent hug.. which is husband code for "If I talk, I'll cry."

He took a moment to reminisce about his mother, how kind she was, and how he remembered visiting his two younger brothers' gravesites with her.. and how she'd always cry.. but he didn't really ever understand her pain until now.

Long after her death, her words and her legacy are teaching my husband life lessons and bringing him peace. I am forever grateful to Rachel for saving the card and thinking, so generously, that she should forward it along to us.

So with love, I say thank you.

Which leads appropriately to the fact that today happens to be Valentine's Day. Though, not at all like the one I had pictured and hoped for. This day was supposed to arrive with my two greatest loves still growing inside me; with my husband spoiling me as the soon-to-be mother of his children.

But that's not what I'm getting.. and it stings.

The unwavering bright spot in all this is my husband. I had said to him on the day our babies were born that their gift to us was that they brought us closer and even more in love. I have no doubt in that statement, and it seems to be even more true by the day.

In fact, I recall just a few days after coming home from hospital, as we got into bed.. I said, "I love you." And I felt everything sort of pause. Those words felt entirely different. It wasn't a phrase of habit or just a way to say goodnight. It was something, that now, I felt down in my bones. Even on the most ordinary of days in the most ordinary of moments -- the love I was claiming felt extraordinary.

I cuddled up next to him, looked up at him and asked, "Does that feel different to you when you say it?"

He responded, "Yeah. It means more..."

Happy Valentine's Day, my dear..

My partner in all things; good and bad. Our love created two very special people. And because of that, we'll never be the same. I love you.