2015

Oh, 2015...

You've been one crazy year.

Truly, the most difficult, trying, emotional, surprising, exhausting, draining, exciting. Did I mention exhausting?

As this year heads to a close, with our excitement for Pax's first Xmas and new family traditions, this year feels bittersweet.

It has been an emotional whirlwind of ups and downs. The exhaustion of being new parents. The diagnosis of needing a surgery (being delayed until after pregnancy). The emotional stress in our home from revisiting the past (you can read Brad's blog from earlier this year to get a better understanding). The financial burden of me being a stay-at-home mother. The constant tears that came with Adele's new album ;)

But then there were the surprises (hello, third pregnancy!) and blissful moments. Paxton's birth, Nori and Bristow becoming pals, watching Paxton grow and learn each day -- getting to hear his giggles and ba-ba-bas every morning, our fifth wedding anniversary, and planning so many 'firsts' and new traditions.

And like each year that has come before (and we've obviously had some doozies), it has served as a reminder that we can get through most anything -- as individuals, and as a family.

Undoubtedly, the holidays last year were rough. Nearly all I could think about was how the twins should be there. I won't miss them any less this time around. In fact, watching Paxton makes me think of them often. Would they have the same laugh, or the same nose? Would they smile the same way? So as we plan to always do, their ornaments will be displayed. Their candles will be lit. They will be honored and remembered.

This year, the holidays will be much more sweet though. The best gift under the tree this year will be a very special little boy that has brought an abundance of love into our home. To see him spend his first holiday season with our families is something I'm beyond grateful for. And I want everyone out there that helped us along the way -- from the initial fundraisers to the showers -- to know that we cannot thank you enough. Without you, we wouldn't be making these memories.

So, I end this year, more at home and more in love.

And now we look forward to 2016 -- fearful and excited. We'll have to see how Pax does as a big brother in just a couple of months :)

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

If you were expecting something in a banana suit singing "Peanut Butter Jelly Time," I apologize.

This is a post about healing -- about a quirky hint even.

My husband and I wanted desperately to find a holiday tradition that would honor and remind us of Jasper and Bodhi. If it could include "Garby," all the better.

So I came up with this idea of getting an ornament each year that represents them to me. Angels aren't my thing. Birds would work, but it didn't feel quite right. I wanted something that reminded me of childhood, as well as each child individually. Something Garby would get excited about putting on our tree. Something he could understand without needing to grasp some overly deep symbolism.

Nobody will really 'get it' until Garby is born. But this is the ornament I just ordered (no tree to hang it on this year, but wanted it ordered by what would have been the twins' first Christmas). The goal is to find a similar one each year. :)