His Birthday

Tomorrow is my husband's birthday. And like every 'event' this year, it's emotionally heavy. I had envisioned this day, guessing I'd feel pretty miserable, with twins just weeks away from arrival. And though I'd be bloated and cranky, I'd know I was giving my husband the best gift ever. The one thing he really wanted.

You see, this was supposed to be his last birthday before someone called him "Daddy."

It breaks my heart that I can no longer promise him that. So now, in comparison, nothing feels right -- or like enough. I simply can't make up for losing his gift.

All we have now are birthday wishes. The biggest is that we can conceive again, and to have a successful, full-term, pregnancy.

But a close second is that we simply stay the way we are... so madly in love and closer than ever. This has been, unquestionably, the worst year of our lives. It feels odd to celebrate it. But at the same time, I have to recognize that it was another year I got with my best friend. For that, I have to be grateful.

I found this card I gave my husband on his 30th birthday. Part of it says, "Go along for the ride, and enjoy the surprises... It's all just to make you smile."

That same year, I got him this brick engraved that is right outside of Wrigley Field. It says, "This is our year."

So, to my husband.. Thank you for taking this ride WITH me. I promise to keep making you smile. And every year I get with you.. is our year.

Happy Birthday.

If you'd like to commemorate his birthday with a kind gesture, please visit GoFundMe.com/ShilorFund.