'Expecting' The Unexpected

First, a little back story for those that haven't been following along..

After a couple years of not trying, but not preventing, we actively started trying to conceive. That involved a lot of tests, medications, and trips to a reproductive endocrinologist. My body simply did not work like it should.

Tried three rounds of Clomid. No response. Tried three rounds of Femara. Barely responded once. Moved on to injections, and conceived the first try (Sept '13). But I was immediately hospitalized with hyperstim and nearly died. I recovered and found out we were expecting twins. Everything was great until I suddenly went into labor at 19 weeks (Jan '14). They both passed away in my arms.

We decided to try injections just one more time (Jun '14). Again, I conceived on the first try -- a singleton that is now just 4.5 months old (born Mar '15).

That catches you up to today -- well, yesterday.

Since the pregnancy, I've been having gallbladder issues, and surgery was recommended. It was scheduled for July 24th.

As a "just in case" precaution, I took a pregnancy test yesterday. And this happened....

Shock doesn't begin to cover it. I'd had some nausea and hot flashes, but chalked it all up to the gallbaldder. I had set the test on the floor barely paying it much attention, as I expected nothing. I glanced over and immediately couldn't breathe. The second line was there almost instantly. No need to wait three minutes. I felt my pulse racing and an instant lightheaded feeling.

I made my way out to the kitchen where Brad was washing baby bottles. I took the time to swallow and my mouth felt so dry it was like sand. "Brad," I said in a shaky voice.

He turned and saw the look on my face, pregnancy test in hand. His face turned to, "No... Are you serious?" He came over and looked at it.

I started to hyperventilate and Brad immediately grabbed me into a hug. "It's okay. It'll be okay."

A million emotions were blowing through me all at once...I hung my head and cried. This wasn't supposed to be possible. I'm infertile. We only ever planned to have one child. Can we afford another kid? That's two kids under 13-14 months old. Two in diapers? Can I physically go through another pregnancy? How far along am I? I drank a Bloody Mary last week. How the hell did I ovulate on my own when I don't even respond to 'moderate' medication? I have a surgery coming up. What if something happens during it? Do we have room/time/resources for a second? How does my husband get me pregnant EVERY time I ovulate?

We sat down.. both trying to absorb this VERY unexpected development. Discussing all our options, fears, pros and cons, budget concerns, crying, laughing. Emotional basket cases, basically.

Finally, after an hour or two of letting it sink in, we agreed our initial reaction was solely based on the surprise factor. We'd only known pregnancy in a "Take this medication. Test this day. Ultrasound this day," kind of way. Planned down to the minute. Anticipated. And we truly didn't think this would EVER happen to us without all that planning..

We agreed to just take it as it comes. One step at a time. Happy, but realistic. Hopeful, but measured.

Ironically, within a week or so of Pax's birth, we had discussed our 'birth control' options. I had ZERO interest in anything hormonal after all the injections and pregnancies I'd put my body through. Brad offered to get a vasectomy, but we decided with how much money and effort it took us to conceive both times, it didn't seem necessary. And though we never planned to try again, the idea of such a permanent solution seemed like overkill. Well... surprise!

Going by my cycles, I'd be 8 weeks tomorrow (July 14). But, we won't know for sure until we get blood work and an ultrasound.

Aren't we supposed to wait til 12 weeks to announce? At least until after an ultrasound? Normally, yes. Eh. I'm not one for good luck or bad luck or "supposed to." (Ironically, 12 weeks, according to my cycle.. will be Aug 11 -- exactly one year from when we announced Paxton was on his way.) Whatever will be, will be. And because this was so NOT planned, we have no expectations. And after we've been on such a journey, we didn't feel like hiding anything at this point was really necessary. If things go well, we'll share. If things don't, we'll share. It could be nonviable or ectopic. We could miscarry. Or everything could go perfectly, and we'll have another child early next year. We're just flying by the seat of our pants, so we figured we'd let everyone in on it.

Our journey continues.

We mostly wanted those around us to understand the absolute whirlwind we've found ourselves in. You now know what we just found out a little over 24 hours ago.